It has been a busy few weeks, it seems like so much longer!
I have learnt A. LOT and realised how much I need to learn.
I feel like I have lurched from one crisis to another – there was the coding crisis, then the software nightmare, then self doubt crept in and this led to overthinking and trying to find a way to move forward without moving back…
It looked a lot like this!
Let me explain.
Coding and I have had a rocky start, I documented this in my Poster Project posts. I managed to get through the Poster Project I think pretty well. I tackled it and achieved some work which I thought was okay, for a beginner! With my expectations I think I did pretty well to come out with something, but I was pretty determined to show I can create something, even from nothing much. I know it is a learning process and that’s what I am here to do, right. So I had a bit of a word with myself about that.
Next project hit me right between the eyes…..Digital Magazine. GULP!
I told myself off for thinking the ‘gulp’ part for a start. Lets tackle this with an open mind shall we Mia and not get bogged down with all this negative self talk which doesn’t help anyone does it.
First objective was to update my Creative Suite which I have left unadulterated by updates since 2013. Oh I know this might not be a great plan but when it works well and it is such a solid platform, never a hitch, so I hope you can understand my reluctance to change things. In the spirit of learning and taking on challenges I went ahead and updated InDesign. This was primarily so that I could download Mag+ to work with on the new project.
That is when it all went ‘Pete Tong’
It lulled me into a false sense of security and I merrily beavered away on my projects until the point of printing out my work.
Now this sounds simple enough, but I had been struggling as you know, with a way to keep my screen time down to a sensible amount and get off it and into the creative process. I really find it challenging to be creative on screen, I need a pen in my hand and some paper to pour my creative juices onto. With this in mind I had devised a way to be able to have some screen work and some freehand pages in my projects and it still look swish and impressive. I had created templates to work on so this kept my design process simplified and made sure I didn’t slip up and miss anything. I do so hate to have to do things twice! There I was slogging this process out and then the moment to print and collate my work into something sensible came, and went.
Wouldn’t print, correction, it spat me out a blank piece of paper….again and again and again.
I asked the techy guy at Uni. He scratched his head quite a lot and gave me a few tips.
But these didn’t work.
I re installed a fair few times and talked to Apple support so much I knew them by name.
No solution. Bugger.
So Adobe to the rescue.
At this point I had decided to keep on beavering away and use sort the tiny little print issue out later. The new project I had been working on was about Fame and Adulation, I had begun researching serial killers and had a full on mood board about SERIAL KILLERS on my screen, with those very words in full screen glory when the nice person from Adobe support took over my screen.
Thoughts ran through my head, ‘oh no this guy in India must think I am a lunatic plotting revenge on Microsoft or to take out Trump…’ I had the genius plan to stall him while I tidied up my desktop too…but no, too late! There it was in all its dubious glory.
Anyway, a few clicks and test prints and the lovely kind generous man from Adobe saved my sanity for another day. Want to know what it was? It was the ‘bitmap’ box was checked in my print dialogue box. Gawd. Who knew?!
So back in the game, off I roll.
Now what about the other crisis? The self doubt scenario. The mind monkey got me a good one over the head with a ‘you’re not cut out for this’ blow to the head. So I wrangled with the problem of coping with learning all this new tech and with the limiting belief in my head that I couldn’t achieve what I wanted with this course.
Time for some serious thinking.
What was my motivation with this study? What had led me here.
Time for some honesty and revelations. I wanted to spend some time bettering myself, learning about how creative I can be and what my strengths are and learning new skills. (I really need those !) Interactive Design as a subject choice seemed perfect for me with my passion for connecting people through creativity. Bit of a no-brainer. I didn’t really have much idea what the subject was about. I knew it would have some digital elements of course. What I didn’t comprehend initially was just how hard I would find those. Now I think of myself as an ‘up for anything’ kind of person and not one to shy away from a challenge either so I anticipated I would take it all in my stride.
I was really disappointed in myself. Not just a bit but a LOT.
Disappointed that I couldn’t just suss it out and be super whizzy with it. I think I need to have a look at my own expectations of my performance with all this. I am maybe being a little hard on myself.?
So I had a hard think about my future, my goals and this whole experience. Is this what I wanted to feel for the next two years? I certainly don’t want to fail this year and not get my degree. The most important thing I want to do in this new chapter of my life is to learn something new, find out about my skills and process what I have learnt about and how I can create a new path for myself with them.
So the only way to do that is to stick it out. To suck it up and get a grip, to be positive and stop letting my negative self-talk get me down – in fact stop it altogether. This is about learning, learning to be comfortable being uncomfortable and growing as a person and as a practitioner.
My tutors Chris and Wayne are lovey people and have kindly listened to me trying to explain myself more than once. All credit and appreciation to them but it is up to me to sort this. I am sticking with it. Quitters never win and winners never quit. Hanging in there for the long haul, it might get messy but it will never be boring!
So that’s where I am at right now.
Sucking it up and getting a grip. Big time!
(cue Wonder Woman theme tune!)
And to leave you on an even higher high, ( as if Wonder Woman picture wasn’t enough) here are my posters up and out there in the ID studio! TADAAAA!
ONWARDS AND UPWARDS!